Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
