my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
