If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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