My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
