another moral hangover. fuck.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
