remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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