Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
