Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
