you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize