I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
