You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
