i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
