A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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