We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
