Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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