You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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