nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
