I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
