the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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