Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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