Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
