Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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