did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
