I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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