Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
