WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
