yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
