my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
