You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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