Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize