Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
