I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
