Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
