i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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