I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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