Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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