I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize