He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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