I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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