Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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