Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
