it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
