hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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