Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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