Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
