I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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