i don't like sucking hair
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
