I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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