Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
