I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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