Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
