This is not my ceiling
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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