Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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