I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize