I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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