she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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