Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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