I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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