It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
