I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
