This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
