I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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