Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize