Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
