If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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