i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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