I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I could fuck to npr.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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