I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
