i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize