That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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