I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
