from now on my penis is your penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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