well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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