Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i out mim tonsoeep
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
