i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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