bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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