You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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