Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
