You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
