I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize