I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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