if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
