Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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