Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
