I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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