they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize