I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
