You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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