Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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