is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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