The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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