Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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