He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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