That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
