Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
