im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
cat food counts as protein by the way
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize