If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize