every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
