Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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