Your mouth is God's brothel.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
