he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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