So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
