your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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