Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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