Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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