Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
