We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
