Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
