I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
